Bad Decisions Good Decisions

Bad decisions,
are unfairly judged;
and criticized,
quite harshly.

Good decisions,
are over rated;
and too
leniently praised.

Bad decisions,
leave you; with
better sense
of judgement.

Good decisions,
merely leave you
gloating; over
your judgement.

Bad decisions,
afford you, a
brief recess;
via failure

Good decisions,
leave you with
little time,
to reassess.

Bad decisions
build you stronger,
imbibing greater
discipline within.

Good decisions
diminish your eagerness,
for trying
new things.

Bad decisions
are needed, so
good decisions
come through.

Good decisions
are needed, so
visible progress
can continue.

Bad decisions,
Good decisions, both;
are cycles
of development.

Yet people
appreciate good decisions
only, not
bad decisions.

© Jay Kaushal

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Until I Win

Wasted days,
Wasted nights,
What a wasted life,
This is turning out to be.

For years I dreamt,
For years I strived,
For an extraordinary story;
An extraordinary life.

The struggles don’t end.
The pain doesn’t ebb.
Like a thorn in the side
My dreams have turned out to be.

Dejected and deflated,
Left Disgusted and dilapidated.
As around town,
paraded naked, my failures have been.

Even death is afraid
of trying,
as soon as it comes close;
lest it lose out to my will.

The world has broken itself,
on the wall that I’ve become.
Everyone close who ever was,
has left or given up.

There’s a goal that seems
forever, within reach;
yet forever away,
I find it.

Like a man possessed,
I am always in pursuit;
Yet when I get close,
I let it slip away.

It slipped through my fingers
the last time.
Before that,
it slipped through my teeth.

I latched onto it
With my fingernails;
I tried, to wrestle it
into submission.

Yet it always has the last laugh.
It beats me,
with my own tricks,
in its own sweet time.

I put up a brave face
to fight each day;
And I grow stronger,
every day.

I may not be there yet
but there’s time still;
As long as,
I still can breathe.

I may have lost,
a lot today;
I still haven’t lost,
everything.

I still have enough,
to put up a fight;
still enough,
to put up a show.

The world will laugh.
I’ll just ignore.
They crucified Christ,
What do they know?

As long as something,
hasn’t been done.
They’ll tell you,
it can’t be.

Then just as someone
does it;
They deride you
for not doing.

To sleep on a bench
or a comfy bed?
Oh I’ll sleep enough,
when I am dead.

As long as this goal,
stands plucking my eyelashes;
when I close my eyes,
how can I?

What if you die trying
and never make it?
“Well what if I live
not having tried?”

What if I live,
Not having lived
at all;
Having surrendered?

What is an existence
Of submission?
As long as I am fighting,
I am still alive.

And as long as I live,
I still have a shot;
Maybe not many,
but one shot, is all I need.

As long as I fight,
I inch closer;
As I do,
Inch by inch I win.

Many have tried before
and lost.
But no one won
ever, without trying.

And so I’ll die anyway
If I don’t try.
But until I win,
I’ll keep trying.

© Jay Kaushal

If you liked this poem, you will also enjoy reading another one of my motivational poems named Play The Odds

Suicide Note

Years of spirited struggle reduced to nought.
Hours of contemplation precede,
Seconds lasting eternity;
As life-long dreams
conclude into frivolousness.

There was a voice somewhere
in the distance;
I don’t remember where,
or who it was;
it was comforting, somewhat.

No flashes of light, like they say,
neither darkness.
No flashes whatsoever.
Plain sordid reality;
just hits you like concrete.

Maybe it happened too fast
or it took forever,
I don’t remember.
All of life happens to you for a moment
and suddenly death takes you away.

Hope kept me going far too long
but not long enough,
it now seemed.
“At one point the color fades,
it was always on my glasses anyway.”

What was it that I set out to do?
Was there ever a meaning
that I had missed?
Then it dawned upon me just when,
I thought it had faded away.

Struggle has no intrinsic value on its own.
Neither does achievement,
no matter how grand.
Failure is far too criticized by all;
While success is what leaves you weakened.

The horizon raced above to meet the sky.
The night was beautiful.
Blaring horns in the traffic below,
Rushed into my ears like water;
rushing into a sinking ship.

It was to be all over.
I had acted too fast;
Or maybe too slow.
One could argue that this ending,
had been long overdue.

Had I a moment more to think,
To attach value to something,
someone worth living for;
Maybe I could have found some value,
in going on.

A faint voice called out my name.
I don’t know who it was,
but I replied.
I don’t know what it was,
but I said something.

Faint murmurs all around.
Many different voices;
by the hundreds.
Like a large prayer meeting,
Gathered to mourn.

Are you sure?
I found asking myself.
Standing amidst a faceless crowd.
Disembodied and Scattered;
All over the place.

“I don’t know,
would that make a difference?”
I murmured to myself,
as I stepped off the rail
back to the other side.

© Jay Kaushal

Just remember

If I die a failure
Just remember
I tried my best.
There are things
I left incomplete,
you can complete them
for me.

If I die a failure
Penniless and drunk
Just remember
the rum kept me warm
and I left no will
that my children
could fight over.

If I die a failure
old and tired,
dejected and depressed.
Just remember
I lived a happy life
but all happiness
is short lived.

If I die a failure
attempting great feats
that I couldn’t pull off,
opportunities I squandered.
Just remember,
It takes great courage
to attempt the impossible.

If I die a failure
alone,
cold and hungry,
without a written note
in my front pocket.
Just remember
there was a poem. Find it.

If I die a failure
shot by the mob
over gambling debts
that I promised
I would pay
but didn’t
Just remember. You can’t always win..
…but you gotta keep trying.

© Jay Kaushal